the invention of respects

well,, is it just me? why did i hate this holiday so much? right now i'm feeling so down n depressed,, why is that? getting mad without any evidence? well,, i kept on imagining for heavenly home, not just inside but on the outside.. well, maybe people would call me selfish? just maybe but i don't care. who r u to judge me right? this is my blog n i can do what i want.. i think it's best for me not to be with my family for this while, i'll feel so sad, this time, it doesn't feel right for me, i mean my heart aches so much. why? that's the question.. hmm.. i don't feel like talking to anybody right now, this blog, i only write my feelings in this blog. it's just i wanna end this form 5 life. i wanna be free, wanna drive my own car so that i'm not always at home or anywhere... i can't tell jokes with my family. i can't laugh, i can't talk with them.. it's not the family i want.. somehow i'm just jealous with my lil bro, he meet his friends everyday, laughing, talk bout their stuff, playing. look, i'm a big girl now so i can't act like children in front of them. somehow i feel like a bird in a little cage.. i have to follow my parents here n there. it's just feels like i'm dangling on a thin line. i don't know what i really wanted. when i think it carefully. i really want freedom. i mean, my parents doesn't want me to go tuition together with my friends.. they don't believe me anymore. bcoz of the stupid past. i just wanna live my own life. not controlled here n there. they treat me just like a child. n they want respect for themselves very much. somehow, it's just makes me said. i'm just sayin.. i just wanted them to know that i'm not like them, they hate jokes, they hate low people n they only WANT RESPECTS FROM OTHER PEOPLE! haha.. somehow they r so pitiful that it made me laugh so hard. although i don't really like school, but at least, that's the place for me to laugh.. hey, they are adults, they should know how are the teenagers feeling between 13--->18 yrs old, their emotional level are very high. teenagers gets hurt easily.. but after that. maybe better, i hope so.. just, lately, i felt sad. c'mon. i'm tired of life like this. my mom is not sporting neither my dad. of course anybody doesn't understands my feelings coz the only one who understands it is myself. i know that really very well. it's our heart, our liver, our life of course anybody doesn't understands it, including me myself, i only understand myself, but i can't understand anybody including my parents.. fuhhh... i feel like my burden is lessened now a bit after i spit it in here my problems.. please, at times like this, don't say me like this n that.. i'm so sensitive right now. both of u as my parents, don't say things that's not useful to me now, PLEASE! at least this year, i'm begging u. i just wanna concentrate in my SPM. FINE! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT BOTH OF YOUR PROBLEMS NEITHER ANYBODY ELSE! say what u want, i guess u never know your own daughter, well, i can only say this word: it's your problem, i don't wanna interfere whether u think i'm a disrespectful daughter, i just want both of u to know, i don't wanna interfere with your problems or anybody else, say what u want, think of me as a selfish daughter/human, it's your problem n i'm not gonna stick my nose into all of your problem or anybody else problem! only me can save myself,, bye2! N OH! BEFORE I FORGOT! DO WHAT U WANT! IT"S BEST FOR YOU AND I DON"T GIVE A FUCK! I JUST GIVE A FUCK TO MY ONLY SELF! GOT IT!?